This was going to be a comment, but then it ended up being long enough for a post…

Liat,
I was happy to finally see some action on the blog, so thanks for that.
I just want to point out a few things about your response.
1) When you talk about keeping lashon hara because that's the kind of person you want to be, I would place that under the category of comfort. Even though it's not actually comfortable, what I meant by comfort was any reason other than the fulfillment of the Divine Will.

2) This is also related to your discussion about deciding whether or not to keep the mitzvot. You have articulated an issue that basically all of the commentators who did ta'amei hamitzvot discussed. The mainstream view is that extrapolating reasons for mitzvot can be a useful tool in making them more meaningful for people, as you correctly mentioned. But, other than that you can basically take them or leave them, since they are only speculative. They all agree that these reasons can not determine whether or not we actually keep the mitzvah. Although it is obvious that they would take this position, it seems to me to be very logical. The question at hand (and this is also part of the response to your suggestion that I should look more into the reasons for mitzvoth and question them) is whether or not the mitzvot are a clear expression of the divine will. If you do believe in the traditional view of Torah MiSinai (which, correct me if I’m wrong, as far as I know you do, unlike some of the other contributors to this blog, who by the way haven’t done much in the way of contributing!) can you justify valuing your own speculation over what is explicitly written?
- There are several ways one could answer this question. These include sociological reasoning (i.e. the mitzvah applied then, but now times have changed, and so should it), and a separation between the Torah and the Talmud (i.e. I’ll follow what the Torah explicitly says, but the Talmud was just speculation also, and I can do that too). In my opinion both of these arguments are pretty weak, especially for one who believes in Torah MiSinai, but I don’t need to discuss them any more unless you choose to use one of them in your answer.
- Of course, you could always just say that halacha is for comfort/meaning/becoming an ideal person, and then you would avoid this entire problem. That would, however, constitute a rejection of the authority of the Jewish tradition. So, Liat, where do you stand on all of this? I guess what it all boils down to, and this question is now for Shoshi also, is whether halacha is a set of laws, or a set of suggestions.

3) About me being bothered by questions against my beliefs: As was sort of implied when we spoke in person, I totally agree with the importance of questioning oneself, and I certainly support the avoidance of blindly following the beliefs of those around you. However, all I meant to say was that the particular questions at hand were not bothersome to me, for the reasons I explained.